Purpose

Blocks, Book writing, Purpose

Why hello there! I’m back from a (mostly) glorious six month maternity leave. In that time, I’ve doubled my number of children, done roughly 8 million loads of laundry, lost almost 40 pounds, and only taken Xanax once.

Yay me!

I’ve also (mostly) conquered my fear of being alone with all four of my children.

alone with four kids pm

I learned quite a bit about fear when working with Patty Chang Anker, author of  the newly-published SOME NERVE: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave (Riverhead).

SOME NERVE

When Patty and I started working together last year, I didn’t know I was pregnant. Then I knew I was pregnant but had no idea I was expecting twins. Then I knew I was expecting twins but had no idea how terrified I would be the first time I was left to care for all of them, at the same time, with no other adults anywhere in sight.

Exactly a year after Patty’s manuscript deadline, I held up a glass of Prosecco in her honor at the SOME NERVE launch party. That evening, in line with her book’s message, Patty asked guests to take the #SOMENERVE challenge and write down their biggest fear on the back of a postcard.

I was so terrified of my fear, I couldn’t even write it down.

Having read every word of Patty’s manuscript, I knew too well that often the thing we are most afraid of is the very thing that will bring us the most joy.

But to get there, we have to face that fear. Over, and over, and over again.

And I’m so very thankful to say that every time I’m alone with two six-month-olds, a (newly) four-year-old and a five-year-old, it gets easier and easier slightly less terrifying.

Thank you, Patty, for facing the fear of writing — and the fear of being read — for you have left us all with a beautiful, inspiring gift that has the power to change people’s lives.

—

To learn more about SOME NERVE and facing your fears, visit pattychanganker.com

And buy the book!

 

  • Comments Off on And we’re back…with some notes on Fear
  • by
Blocks, Book writing, Purpose, Q&As, Tips for authors

Today I received a reader question I just had to share with you.

This comes from an author who has published several books with major publishers. In other words, she knows what she’s doing.

She writes (edited to protect her privacy):

I call it the “You know what you should do?” syndrome. I ran into this with my last book.

I’d say I was working on a book. People would ask what it was about. I’d try out my elevator pitch on them to gauge reactions. Most friends would just give me an honest reaction (in that case, enthusiasm). Some would offer a helpful suggestion or two. And a handful would say, “You know what you should do?” and then proceed to tell me how to write my book.

I think it might be that there are some–okay, probably many–people out there who want to write books and, when they hear about someone else writing one, promptly become the writing equivalent of a backseat driver.

Their suggestions are many and not always in line with my plan for my book. This makes me feel like my idea’s not good, second guess myself, and not want to tell anybody what I’m doing!

Have you heard about this happening with other authors? And what’s your expert advice?

My advice about these book “visionaries” would be to consider them an informal (albeit uninvited) focus group. And just like every focus group, you take in all the feedback and draw your own conclusions.

The great part about getting feedback that makes you bristle is it solidifies YOUR vision for your book.

 
Kind of like when you ask your mom which dress you should wear, and she picks the blue dress. But that makes you realize you’re definitely wearing the green one.

So instead of making you feel lousy about your idea or second guess yourself, you could turn that around and silently thank that person for helping you know exactly what path you want to take.

Go green, baby, go green.

How about you? How do you deal with writing backseat drivers?

 
 

  • Comments Off on A reader asks: How should I deal with writing backseat drivers?
  • by
Blocks, Purpose, Q&As, Technique, Tips for authors

Tonight I have the honor of speaking to the ladies over at Mamacoach Circle on the subject of “Tapping into your inner author.” One of the questions they sent over before our call is this:

“I love how you say on your website that by going deeper we stop sounding like everyone else. Can you say more about that? We notice so many coaches using the same language, even copying each other’s words.”

I love this question because so much of what I see on the web is so repetitive and copycat sounding it makes me itchy.

It reminds me of a strategy & content project my husband and I did for a multibillion dollar company. Working privately with our core client contact (we’d never embarrass a stakeholder in public), we gave her a quiz where we lifted different lines of copy from her company’s site along with two or three competitor’s sites. The copy ranged from how each company defined itself, what they did, and what made them different.

We asked our client to identify the source of each line (her company, or a competitor’s). She got bonus points for naming the competitor.

Impressively, our client got each question right. But she saw our point loud and clear. Everyone sounded like everyone else.

What if you ran the same test on your site copy? Are you objective enough, as our stakeholder was, to see what a potential client would see?

Stay tuned for Part 2, where I’ll offer up a list of specific ways to bring out your voice and distinguish yourself from everyone else.

—-

Want to join in on tonight’s teleclass (or get a recording of the call emailed to you)? Get details here.

 

  • Comments Off on How to stop sounding like everybody else, part 1
  • by
Blocks, Book writing, Purpose, Tips for authors

The web is abuzz with prompts for 2013 planning. “Make this your best year ever!” everyone seems to be shouting. And every day I come across a new planning tool to help me do just that.

“Too bad I can’t do that,” I caught myself thinking.

Because you see, I’m pregnant — with twins.

I launched this business last May, and there’s still so much I want to do, so many tools and programs I want to create to help you write the book you were meant to write.

But knowing come June I’ll be back in newborn land — times two — I thought I had to sit the first half of the year on the sidelines, too.

Thankfully I’ve learned not to believe everything I think.

I recently wrote on my parenting blog about how this news of twins initially knocked me down physically and emotionally. But now that I’m feeling better, I’ve realized a few things.

  • I can still make plans.
  • I can still grow my business in 2013.
  • I can still welcome the new clients who are showing up.

And most of all:

My goals are still the same, they just might take longer than I’d planned.

Maybe I’ll go crazy and indulge in one of those fun planning tools. And just like last year, I’ll come up with my guiding word for the year rather than making New Year’s resolutions.

But I’m not going to let myself feel left behind just because I’m not able to grow my business this year as much as I initially thought.

Maybe you’re in a similar situation — maybe life or business circumstances mean you won’t have the space you desperately want to write your book.

Trust that it will still be there for you, and that your life experience this next year will make it an even better book than if you’d written in now.

/ / / /

Writing prompt

Keep your hand in it

You may not be making the progress you’d hoped on your book. But instead of letting it keep you up at night with frustration, try this super simple trick:

  1. Start a new Google Doc
  2. Whenever you have a thought or want to make a note about the book you’ll eventually write, make the note.
  3. You may even want to date it, journal style.

There. Done.

You’ve captured your thought rather than hoping you remember it or pushing it away because “this isn’t the time.”

You’re slowly making progress instead of pushing the thought away.

This is creating with ease and flow.

And there’s nothing creativity loves like ease and flow.

  • Comments Off on What if this isn’t your “year of the book”?
  • by
Blocks, Purpose

Getting the flu.

Receiving unexpected news that rocks your world.

Recovering from a soul fever.

Taking extra time with children who are having a hard time.

A family member in crisis.

All kinds of things crop up that can throw us off our game, obliterate our energy and leave us feeling as though we’ve been through a hurricane. That’s where I’ve been the past couple of weeks, and found comfort in this post from Visionary Mom Lisa Work.

Lisa writes,

It’s okay to go slow sometimes. It’s okay to take a break from working hard on your dreams. It’s okay to just take baby steps each and every day.

It’s okay to fall behind and feel like you don’t have it all together.

Your dreams, they are still there, waiting for you. As soon as you are ready, they will be too. They aren’t going anywhere.

In moments when I feel frustrated that I’m not moving as quickly as I want due to external circumstances, it’s so helpful to step back and be thankful for the vision I have. Even if it takes more time than I’d like, I have the vision. I’ve done the work.

The same is true for you and your writing. It will be there, waiting for you. And hopefully whatever fire you’re walking through will serve it well.

Blocks, Purpose, Tips for authors

I had to make a tough decision this past summer.

It was about the babysitter we’d had for the past two years. On so many levels, she was fantastic. She was a trusted sitter in our town, she loved my boys, and she made it her mission to run them like crazy so they slept well at night.

For two years, she came once a week. But this year, with the boys out of daycare and me launching a new business, I needed her more. She started coming three days a week, and that’s when I realized she wasn’t a great fit for us anymore.

Things would set me off (last minute changes to our schedule, coming home to a messy house) but I’d push those thoughts away, thinking how thankful I should be that my boys had fun all day and that they were safe.

More and more, little annoyances became major sources of frustration and anxiety for me. My husband said I should be thankful that the boys had fun all day and that they were safe.

I knew the situation wasn’t right, but I felt guilty for wanting more.

I tried leaving the sitter notes and reminders, and reviewing our schedules in advance to avoid last minute changes. But the situation did not improve. After I missed a client meeting due to another scheduling mishap, I knew I had to make a change.

And once I made that change, everything shifted.

We now have a babysitter who supports me and my boys. Everyone is calm and happy. I come home to a sparkling house. The boys’ beds are made and their hair is brushed (two things that often don’t happen in our house!). Getting out of the house in the morning is a completely different experience — because the sitter is calm, the boys are calm, and everything just flows.

Here’s the thing:

We cannot do our best work when we’re not getting the support we need.

I’m seeing it over and over with my coaching clients — moms who are exhausted, trying to do it all, holding on to old arrangements that so don’t fit anymore.

And when we’re in the thick of it, figuring out how to change it can be more overwhelming than just tolerating it a little longer.

So try this

Start to see the solution.

Once you can see it, take one small step.

What will your small step be?

  • 8 Comments
  • by
Blocks, Purpose, Tips for authors


Desk drawers filled with old notepads and sunscreen. A refrigerator with half-consumed drink bottles and miso soup containers. A company name on the front window. And bathroom shelves overflowing with miscellaneous office supplies, hardware pieces, and watered down cleaning supplies.

This is what my husband and his team left behind when they relocated their office 30 miles south to Manhattan. (No offense, guys!)

When I arrived to work this week, to the office I now call my own, I felt itchy. Unfocused. Squirrely. Distracted.

“Why can’t I focus?” I said out loud (to no one).

“Because all I want to do is declutter and purge.”

Ahh.

I crossed out my to-do list and spent the next two days cleaning, sorting, and purging. I scrubbed the old letters off the front window and rearranged furniture. I sprayed the surfaces with lavender cleaner, let in the Hudson River breeze, and lit a candle for good measure.

By obsessively organizing and cleaning, I was making space for my new business.

Even though I have worked in this office all along, the type of work I am doing here has changed. This practice of making space helped me connect to it in a new way. It helped me establish a presence that wasn’t there before.

It’s now the end of my first week. I’m at my desk and the words are flowing. The door is open, the fan is on, surfaces are clear. The frantic keyboard clicks from the writer across the room keep me focused.

Although my vision for how I will use all this uncluttered space is still blurry, I am ready. I can’t wait to see what magic begins to fill it.

Writing prompt

What cobwebs and gum wrappers are getting in the way of your writing?

You feel like you can’t start writing your book until you track down all the notes you’ve been collecting.
Track down the notes.

You can’t get started on your ebook until you can picture the format.
Give yourself one week to figure out the format.

Your computer constantly asks you to update its software, which you can’t do because you’re almost out of room.
Backup, purge, tune up, or upgrade. A writer doesn’t have many expenses. Your computer is worth the investment.

You’re afraid write your story because it’s nonfiction and you’re worried what the other characters involved will think.
Release that fear. Get the first draft down, privately. There will be plenty of time in future drafts to alter identities.

Release what’s holding you back or distracting you or getting in your way.

All of this non-writing related work is part of the writing.

Learn more about making space with this quietly powerful program.

New coaching packages

Whether you’re working on a book, blog series, e-program, or mini e-book, I can help you get clear on your message, work more efficiently, and bring more depth to your work.

Check out my updated, simplified packages.

“After a few months working with Britta, the programs I am leading, the blogs I am writing, and the stories I am telling have more beauty and depth than I thought I was capable of.” —Hannah Marcotti
  • Comments Off on What does cleaning out the fridge have to do with writing?
  • by
Blocks, Book writing, Purpose, Tips for authors

A friend of mine runs a popular style blog called Frenemom. Recently, she published a post titled “Naked Cell Phone Pictures.”

I joked with her that she was just trying to get her site traffic up.

“That didn’t come close to my most popular post,” she said.

What was her most popular post?

“The one where I posted fat pictures of myself.”

(She had an INFANT at the time. She wasn’t fat, she was postpartum.)

Either way, my mind keeps going back to this story.

Why is her “fat” story her most popular post?

Is it mean-spiritedness? Good old-fashioned schadenfreude?

Or is it because in this post, she reveals a side of herself (ourselves) most of us would want to hide from the world.

I’d argue for the second.

In “Mrs. AA’s” signature tone, she writes:
Mrs. AA Frenemom

“I have read countless articles asserting that the birth of a child is a time when a woman realizes that there is someone more important than her in life and that she should now take a back seat to the upbringing of this child. Screw that.

What I realized was that it was finally time to put me first. Because if I didn’t, my little lady would see a mother who worried about what others thought of her and lived life by a script rather than a mother who embraced what was important and was incredibly happy in her own life.

Obviously I wanted my daughter to be well cared for and showered with love and affection, but I also wanted to show her that it is entirely possible not to be a fat, nutso, sweatpants-wearing “mom” type while doing it. The fog had lifted.  The bitch was back.”

And so there it is. Her “why.” The depth behind this woman’s incredible wardrobe, stunning closet, and overall fab-seeming lifestyle.

Seeing our style maven down and out makes us feel closer to her. It brings depth to a subject some might write off as frivolous. Even though we might not be able to travel the world, carry  $1,500 handbags and dress ourselves out of a closet the size of a Manhattan apartment, we can have fun watching her do it — and learn a few things along the way.

What does this have to do with you?

Most of us are writing to further our businesses. We are writing to establish our expertise and professionalism. We are writing to gain our reader’s trust. So showing a less-than side of ourselves seems counter intuitive and even detrimental to our “brands.”

Today I challenge you to challenge that thinking.

Mrs. AA concludes,

Today, because of the encouragement of my own mother and support of my husband, I have started Frenemom. It may not bring me much money or fame, but it brings me so much more. A sense of self, a sense of pride and a sense of humor. What more can a girl ask for?  (Okay, I admit it. I still want thinner thighs.)

Writing prompt

What part of your story could reveal that would build more trust, more understanding, and more connection between you and your readers?

Give it a try. Write it out even if you have no intentions of ever sharing it. See what happens.

And if you want someone to help you find the right balance, you know where to find me.

 

(By the way, my friend didn’t actually post naked photos of herself.)

  • Comments Off on That story you’d rather not tell
  • by
Blocks, Purpose, Tips for authors

When I launched this business in May, there was fear. But it was fast heart-beating giddy fear. Fun fear. Holy shit I’m really doing this fear. Adrenaline fear.

Now, four months later, there’s a different kind of fear. It’s a more solitary fear. It’s Oh no, what if this doesn’t work?  How long will it take? What if no one shows up? fear.

Not too different from being a few months into a writing project, right?

What if I don’t finish? Do I really have enough to say? This isn’t very much fun. What will my family think?  Am I even going to make any money doing this?

In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck calls this stage Square Three: The Hero’s Saga.

This means you’ve already been through Square 1: Death and Rebirth and Square 2: Dreaming and Scheming. You’ve already shed the work you don’t want to do and dreamed up the work you do want to do. You’ve announced it to everyone and anyone. You’ve started living life on your new path, or with your new commitment.

And now here you are, faced with doing the work.

This will be the hardest part. There will be dark forests and fire breathing dragons. At times you will wonder if you’ll ever make it through.

This is normal. This is the good stuff. This means you are really doing it.

So together, let’s replace the fear with trust and keep each other company on our journey. Dragons and all.

(In case you are wondering, there is a Square 4 in Martha Beck’s book. It’s called The Promised Land, which you’ll get to enjoy briefly before starting all over at Square One.)

 

  • Comments Off on After the champagne is gone
  • by
Blocks, Purpose, Tips for authors

Does the world really need your book?

It’s a paralyzing thought: Does the world need another book? Another spiritual memoir, another business guide, another living your best life manual, another inspirational journey, another health how-to?

(And for that matter, does the world need another writing coach?)

Maybe, maybe not.

But this is not the right question to ask.

Do you have a calling? Do you know that you must write a book? Is the discomfort of not trying greater than the discomfort of the fear? Do you know there’s a tribe out there, however large or small, who will receive your words and hold them close?

Will it be a profound loss if you don’t at least try?

When I was dreaming up my book coaching business, these thoughts almost held me back. After all, aren’t there enough out of work book editors who could help authors do their best work?

I found great inspiration in these words from my coach, Hannah Marcotti:

“Find your voice, love up your tribe, dance in your purpose and it all comes together.” 

She added:

“Nobody has my voice, my style, my unique point of view. My story has brought me to this place and is unique and needs to be shared.”
—
In her beautiful book This I Know, Susannah Conway addresses this same block, writing:

“It can feel intimidating starting a blog when there are so many others clamoring for attention online, but just like any other party, all you need do is find your corner, get comfortable, and start making conversation.” 
—
Any creative pursuit is an act of personal obligation–the world will not stop if we fail to follow our heart. Our job is to feel the fear and write anyway.